Erectile Dysfunction is Scary…
When men experience issues around sexual performance and erectile dysfunction, feelings of panic, shame and inadequacy begin to set in.
Often what most men experience is psychological. Issues around ED can feel terrifying.
Having worked with many men who encounter issues with sexual performance it is important to understand all the dynamics that are taking place. What you’re experiencing is most likely psychological.
Here are some steps you can take to overcome your challenges with erectile dysfunction.
1. Don’t Panic
Before going into a state of panic, wondering if your penis has permanently lost its spark – it is important to take a step back and breathe.
While this feels overwhelming, it is also important allow yourself to get centered.
2. Step away from the pills
While our first inclination is to go online and get ED medication, it’s important to understand that without addressing the underlying issues the symptoms will eventually return.
Often times I receive phone calls where men are in a state of panic because they’ve suddenly experienced ED.
To determine what is going on, I will ask them two questions. “Do you masturbate?” and “Do you wake up with an erection?”
9 times out of 10, most men will answer yes to both.
To be diagnosed with true Erectile Disfunction, it is important to understand that you would need to be completely unable to achieve an erection.
Regardless, I often suggest that a caller schedule an appointment with a urologist.
Often when men experience issues around sexual performance, it occurs during sexual activity with another person.
3. Getting in touch with the root cause of the problem
It’s possible that right now you understand what you’re experiencing is psychological. And while this can feel scary, often times the issues that men in their 20s and early to mid 30s experience is related to anxiety performance.
When they are sitting in my office, I will have them walk me through the most recent time when they experienced symptoms of erectile dysfunction.
As they walk me through this experience, often they will describe a physiological reaction (i.e., tightness in the chest, hot flashes, etc…) and unable to perform during sex.
While this can feel scary, to manage your symptoms of ED you must first understand how to manage the anxiety which is causing distress.
4. Removing barriers to sexual shame
As men we are taught from a very young age that we must perform. In our relationships this is acted out within during sex.
When you’re unable to perform, it can feel like you are letting your partner down. But more importantly, you believe you’ve let yourself down.
These are natural feelings; however, it is important to remind ourselves that what we are experiencing is an unnecessary pressure that can only lead to internal shame, doubt, and greater levels of frustration.
5. Understanding what our penis is telling us
As we get older our bodies change. Research suggest that while issues around sexual function (i.e., sex drive, erection, ejaculation) decreases in a mans twenties, overall sexual satisfaction increases in their 50s.
It’s easy to believe we are are invincible. However, what is more important to understand that to have a quality and satisfying sexual experience. We should allow ourselves to be present with our bodies and learn to listen and understand what it is telling us.
6. Asking for help
Men have learned that in order to not appear weak we can never ask for help, and if we do than we will appear like we don’t have our act together.
Let’s stop right there!!!!
Men who experience the greatest success, live the longest and find the greatest joys in life have at one point had to reach out for help.
Often, men will come into my office and this is the first time they’ve ever encountered therapy.
And often, after finding the ability to curb the issue around erectile dysfunction and sexual performance, they stay in therapy because they’ve understood what brought them into my office was just a symptom of something bigger that is now being addressed.
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Dr. Richard Mills is a New York City based Sex Therapist. Tune in weekly to Talk Sex With Dick, where he addresses issues related to sex, sexuality, dating and life.
